How Not to Love: Advice a Cameroonian Woman is Given in Point Form

Have you ever wondered why people find it so easy to tell women what to do and not do? Particularly as concerns their bodies, their emotions etc.? I wondered recently about the many rules we're given which restrict event the way we choose to do the simplest, most natural thing: love. 
Here are a few rules passed on to me or 'sisters' I know. This list is far from exhaustive, so feel free to add more in the comments... 

1- Do not like him first, and even if you do, never show it. Die with that secret sister. The man should love you first. If not you're needy and God forbid he knows you're needy. He will use and abuse you. No one wants a needy woman.

2- Do not be the first to say "I love you" he should say it first. Those words have power
You need to make sure he loves you before 'exposing yourself'.

3- Date the man who loves you more than you love him. Heck, you don't even need to like him . Your affection may grow after he's showered you with love for months (or years)... and this way, you don't get as angry/hurt when he screws up (as it is claimed they all do). You'll hardly be hurt on hearing the man you barely like is cheating (such logic *_* )

4- Don't be too honest, men can't handle blunt truth. Don't be openly sexual, but don't be a prude. Sacrifice your opinions, let him feel he is 'right' even when he's not- especially then.

5-Treat him as your 'first child'. You'll know he's the one when he treats you like his 'mom'.

6- Do not give a man money, it will emasculate him VS. Present to your man all your money, it will show you are submissive.

7- Do not treat a boyfriend as though he is more than just that- a boyfriend VS. Treat a boyfriend as a would-be husband and he will know you are "serious"...

People, my people ☝☝☝ this right here is why we're messed up. In a world full of hate we make love complicated. Then again the complication may be limited to one gender. Because while your calculating whether who loves who more the guy is likely breezing through. It is worthy to note here that these complications, like the advice above are often spearheaded by other women. We are undoubtedly gatekeepers of patriarchy.  

If you wonder at my response to most the above advise; it's simple. Love your way, life is too damn short to do otherwise. 


  1. And these have made many miserable. Not everyone is expressive with their feelings. Some show that in actions if you are waiting for I love you from such a person for eg you go wait long!

    We sure are the gate keepers of patriarchy. If I love I tell if it is not mutual I walk rather than waste my time pinning for something that never may be.

  2. Hahhahahahha very true there sis
    I lobe ur blog n I'm glad I found it after a long search
    I'm Joan and doing a research on blogs please do mail me at I will be grateful if u can aid answer a few questions


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